Yesterday, I submitted an assignment that, upon thinking about it, makes me queasy.
There are times when I wonder at what point someone is going to call me out for the fraud that I am. When I wonder when they’ll say, “Please, your undergrad degree is from THAT school. Do you REALLY think it’s worth anything?” When I wonder which professor it will be that will look at something I’ve written and say, “You might want to rethink your career options. Graduate school doesn’t seem to be for you.”
Never have I been so absolutely clueless about what the intent of the assignment was. And I think that was probably the point, but reading the discussion board today, it seems as though other people saw more than I did in the reading.
I’m feeling overwhelmed again. I would love to drop down to one class per semester, but doing that means not going at all. I can’t get financial aid for one class and I can’t afford to pay for the tuition out of my own pocket AND pay on the student loans that are currently in deferment. And I can’t quit my job to go full time.
Ultimately, I can deal with that. It’s the loss of self-confidence that’s scaring the hell out of me right now. I need to be more disciplined, but I don’t know how to get to that point. Or I do, but my fear is standing in the way.
One thing is for certain. This experience is holding true with my non-New Year’s resolution. I’m living every day out of my comfort zone right now. This wasn’t exactly my plan.
You know you are so much smarter than the average bear. Just look at the people around you at work, at home, at play…you can do anything you put your mind to. But that’s the point, isn’t it? I have faith in you.
One would think that with all this time off from work, one could manage to write a tid bit of fiction to keep those of us stuck at work a bit of entertainment???? Hello? McFly?